not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
