i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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