I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
