She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
