We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
