Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
