I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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