He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
