It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
