just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
