If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
