I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
