I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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