if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am naked and annoyed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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