Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my being single is dangerous.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We need to get me chipped asap
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