I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
