the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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