yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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