i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
