Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
