My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
