i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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