Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
