So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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