she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
