yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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