It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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