i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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