My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
