Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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