The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm really busy with my period
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