I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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