I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
