somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
