My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
