She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
