Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
