i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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