Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
