I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
