I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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