Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
