if you like me you must not know who I am
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
