he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
