Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
