and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
