Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
