i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
