I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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