hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
as a side note pls kill me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
