You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
