I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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