Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So many bounce houses so little time
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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